2015 has ben a whirlwind of a year. Many things have happened both in my personal and my academic life, and I can't let this year go without doing a revision of both the good and the bad moments. It is difficult, to sum everything up in just a few lines, but I feel like writing down everything that has either weighed down my heart or uplifted my spirits when I was sad during this year is a great way of saying goodbye to 2015 and welcome 2016 with eager and open arms.
Good things that happened:
- My niece was born back in February. She's two months shy of turning one year old, and seeing the little one growing healthier and prettier and smarter day by day has definitely been one of the highlights of 2015. She's a delight, and whenever she sees me, she flings her arms at me with a bright smile on her round, brilliant face, and I can't help but smile back and hug her real tight. That's when I feel like all the bad things can go fuck themselves, because nothing can ever go wrong when such a little precious one loves me in such an unconditional way.
- I finished my Creative Writing course in June and, even thought I miss it more than I expected, I'm so so glad for it. I rediscovered my love for writing, I was given not only the best writing advice I've ever ben given, but some of the highest praise I've ever received, and all of that increased my self confidence as a writer and gave me hopes that, if I work hard enough, maybe one day I'll be a great writer.
- I finished my second year in Medicine and I came out alive! I even passed all of the subjects I took! Isn't that wonderful? Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for this, the doubts start and I can't shut them up, but then I think back on all the things I've achieved up until this point and I think that maybe I'm not so bad at this, and maybe, just maybe, I can be a great doctor one day, even if sometimes I stumble on the way.
- I went to London, which was like, a dream. A fucking dream come true. And I decided that, yes, I love the city even more than I thought I'd do, and yes, I'd love to live there some time in my life, thank you very much.
- I reached an agreement with mom, and we both promised to save money so I could go to Cambridge Summer School and take a course on English Literature and Creative Writing. It still seem surreal.
- I made friends with the most unexpected people, and I was excited every single day to go to classes and be with my friends there. They make the experience of studying medicine much more bearable and much, much more worth it.
- I started writing and blogging again. I'm planning on writing a children's book and giving it to my niece as a present. I've been given a beautiful notebook I've always wanted to have to write more stories in it. I've been given an online course on Amazon Marketing and Book Publishing (how amazing is that?? I'll do a review as soon as I get down to it!) and I'm planning on taking an online course on Children's Book Writing as well. My writing life seems to go smoothly.
- I've been with my family, I've loved them unconditionally, and they've loved me back as unconditionally. We've stuck together through the hard times, and we'll keep doing so.
- I've grown personally. I've learned so many things that I feel like a new person. I've learned to be gentler and care a little bit less about the things people say about me, and I've learned to love myself a little bit more, and to be more honest with the things I feel.
- Crimson Peak was released. Do I even need to explain myself?
- My two best friends keep being awesome and keep loving me no matter what. I can't be thankful enough for them. They've also fangirled about Crimson Peak with me. A lot.
- I've learned that you can laugh really really hard and have a really really good time while taking on-line exams for your university if you take said exams with your friends. My face hurts from laughing when I finish these tests, and we still managed to get 10/10 on all of them. We're a team.
- I've received a scholarship, so now I don't have to pay a single cent for my university studies, and I can take that weigh off my parents' shoulders.
- One of my sisters found a new, well-paid job at a private hospital and the other one has been offered a better contract in her usual hospital as well, so they're now better paid and can live a bit more unconcerned about that.
Bad things that happened:
- Money keeps being an issue, and things are a bit rough right now, but we'll manage and we'll keep fighting.
- Mom and dad's health has been a bit delicate this year. They're both not so young anymore, and they need to take care of themselves, but they're also really stubborn and won't listen to us when we tell them to take a break.
- My health has seen better times as well, especially this past couple of weeks. I got food poisoning and then I got a virus that kept me unable to eat anything that wasn't rice or white bread for a couple of weeks, and that has fucked up my study schedule as well.
- This term has been a bit difficult, what with my niece being constantly at home, my mom needing help with taking care of her, the hectic schedule I've had and the mental state I was in. I don't know how finals will turn out, but I'm definitely trying my best and if I fail, well, then I'll have to try again.
- Things have been a bit strained with some friends this year. We're all managing as best as we can but, some things are just not good, and I feel like I've lost some good relationships along the way.
- I've learned some ugly things that people think about me but, well, you can't be liked by everyone, right?
- I haven't felt like myself for some time. I used to read more than 50 books in a year and draw day after day. I used to go to the cinema every weekend (come on, 8.60€ for a theatre ticket?? Are we mad?!) and now I don't do those things as often. However, I've promised myself that I will take back all of those habits, because they were the things that made me feel better about myself, and I can't be completely happy without that.
- I have been a bit disorganized this term, and I hated it. I like keeping up with uni work and having everything under control, but this term has been hectic both personally and academically speaking, so I'll have to get a grip on myself this 2016 and go back to the organized applied student that I am. I got a pretty planner, for that. And when I buy a pretty planner, it means I'm serious about business.
- I wanted to read 25 books for my Goodreads Reading Challenge, but I only managed to read 12. 12 books in a year?? Come on, I'm a disgrace.
- I haven't watched Les Miserables once this year. Kill me.
- I was studying to get my C2 certificate, and I was going to take it this December, but my English School misplaced my exam candidate papers and I wasn't informed of my exam date. Conclusion: I was called 5 minutes before my oral exam started by a woman asking me if I was going to take the exam at all, and I was left speechless because I had no sodding idea that I was supposed to take an exam in less than 5 minutes. In another city. Nice.
What I've learnt so far:
- I'm capable of much more than I thought I could achieve. Even when things go awry, I'm still capable of going on.
- No matter what people say, money is not what really matters. Safety and having your loved ones by your side are the essential ingredients for being happy. And if things go pear shaped but you still have your loved ones beside you then, well, things always turn out to be better than you thought.
- The smile of a little child can brighten the darkest of days.
- The smile and tender words of your friends can brighten the darkest of days.
- The hugs and smothering kisses of your parents can brighten the darkest of days.
- There will always be people out there who love you just as you are, no matter what a few say or do.
- You can always learn new things about yourself and the ones you love. You can always learn if you're willing to.
- I'm stronger than I ever thought I was.
- Looking back on this list, I see that the list of good things is longer than the one of bad things, so the good things outweigh the bad ones by a long, long shot. And sometimes I forget that, but I shouldn't.
I can only ask of 2016 to be full of things as good as the ones 2015 brought. And whatever bad thing it throws on my way, I'll be ready to jump right over that obstacle, and keep looking forward to my niece's smile, or the hugs of my parents, or the words of my friends, or the art I love, or the things I never expected, but happened anyway.
